Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
