My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
