you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i used baking grease as lip gloss
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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