doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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