wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
