that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
