well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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