I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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