Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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