remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
