I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
