Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
