Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
