Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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