felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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