I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
