but the lizard people decide everything anyway
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
