I wannas sexs uuuuu
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
