Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
