Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
