I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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