Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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