this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
