What a fucking waste of an outfit
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We got so high we made milksteak
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
