the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
