i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
