i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
