Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
why is half of my head shaved?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
