mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm too high and old for this...
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