3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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