I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
