I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
