did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
