New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think I sprained my soul last night
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
