why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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