it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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