so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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