i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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