my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
