That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
