3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
