i already hear my dad disowning me
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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