so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
