You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
