he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
