you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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