I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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