He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
