I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
