I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
